Socially Awkward..

Yes, I admit it. I am socially awkward and I have been that for a long time now.
I am not sure when it started but I think that it is linked with my history of being bullied. My history of being ruined, I have lost a lot of my (self-)confidence. I have lost my trust in people and I became lonely. By now I am so used to being lonely that I can’t open up to others. Whenever I try, I say the wrong things. I hurt people unintentionally. I ruin my life amongst that of others.

I am the quiet one, the one that is always forgotten. I am never missed. And have given up the hope to keep on trying. My friends have vanished, I have only aquintances left. Nobody knows my fears and dreams and hopes and nobody cares.

I am lonely.

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I will win the lottery

Yes I will. Maybe I should say I have won the lottery to tune my mind like The Secret. But untill now, I mainly dream about winning the lottery.

I already have a plan about what to do with the money.

I would buy a house like this.And then I would buy a horse. And I’d go shopping.
I’d buy a new set of clothes, basics mostly. A few Levi’s jeans, some hand-made leather shoes, some nice shirts and a lot of cashmere clothing. I absolutely adore cashmere clothing! Oh and I’d buy real satin sheets.

I also would go to a professional salon like Rob Peetoom to get a new hairdo. I might even colour it, and I would pamper myself at one of the luxurious spa’s in Amsterdam while staying at the Waldorf Astoria, or Hilton, or any of the other top-hotels.

After the spa-treatment, or the day after I would buy a few cosmetic things. Brushes and foundation from MAC. Eyeshadows from Bobbi Brown, skincare from La Mer or La Prarie. Or Shisheido, or everything 🙂 And I would buy a Mulberry bag. I love that brand but unfortunately it is a bit too pricy for me. Until I have won a few million euro’s of course.

I hope I did not buy that horse yet, because first I will travel around the world. I want to go to New York, cross-country through Canada. I want to go to Jamaica, Suriname, the Antilles, Chile,  Argentina. I want to travel through Kenia, South-Africa, Egypt and Jordan. I want to travel through India (though only highly secured..), Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia. And I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. And to all of Europe but that is close at home.
After that world trip I want to buy a horse, 2 dogs and 2 cats (or more, not sure yet) and want to enjoy my life in my perfect house together with the love of my life.

In short, I am going to win the lottery. I will. Because until now, all I have is the love of my life. It is a lot, but I want to pursue the rest as well and I am sure I will!

Maybe hello again?

Hi there!

The funny thing is that since I stopped writing, I somehow have more visitors than ever. Though they prefer to read only the post about the 30 days ab-challenge. Well, at least I know now what ‘your’ favourite blogpost is.

I have thought a lot about this blog, and this blogpost. I tried to write and I failed. I know that I don’t want to keep going on like I did when I decided to stop. But I also know that I need to write something. I missed it.

So, here’s the new plan. I will write whenever I want. And about everything I want to share. It will be a bit of beauty, because I love beauty and it is an excuse for me to make pictures. It will be a lot of personal stuff, well it already was pretty personal but it will be different. It won’t be a post every day, I am not sure whether I will post every week. But I will post, I promise. I tried to write for you, for my readers. But I realised that I have to write for myself.

This is my personal place on the web and I can do whatever I want with it. And this is my attempt to do that.

Love,
C