Current events

My heart breaks, every time I see the news on tv. I  feel broken when I look at what society has become. Everywhere you look you only see pain, despair and anger. A lot of anger.

I am scared too, scared for another world war. Scared that even my home will be a target for misery. Scared that we are not good enough to stop going down this dark path we are currently on.
A few years ago, it was the end of the world that scared us. Pollution and climate change. We would all be drowning, there would be no more oil, we were dooming ourselves. Nowadays it are the refugees we are drowning in. And increasing political fights, which cost more and more lives.

I do not blame the refugees, at least not for everything. I do understand that all they want is safety. A new home, wealth and luck, in the oh so glorious western world. I really do get that, it is what we all want. Love, peace and happiness.
However I cannot understand why they act so ungrateful. Why they attack our women and children. Why they feel obliged to be even better treated than our own inhabitants. They are given food, transport, housing, even money. Is it too much to ask for a normal behavior in return? They are coming to us, the western ‘modern’ world, but do not adapt to our values. We have our own problems but still open our arms for refugees as everyone deserves a chance. And in return we get mass-attacks on women, snobbish behavior, protests that the housing is not good enough (really?? who cares that it used to be a prison, it is a roof, it is warm, it is dry, we barely have room for our own children but alright…).

It is easy to sum up reasons why this is all happening, or that if we had acted different we could have prevented this. And of course we, as humanity, could have taken another path. But for that to happen we all need to be a bit less selfish, a bit more kind, a bit more open-minded. Sadly, however, we are not. We are greedy (Putin, Trump), angry, scared and hateful (Wilders, AfD, Pegida).. We are starting wars for nothing, I mean, what are we really fighting for?

Is it really worth it?

I don’t think so.
I pray, hope and try to believe that we can change this. However I also think that before we can heal our society, we need to crash again. And I am scared for what is coming. Because on this road we are currently traveling, the only ending I can predict is war.

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Musings

Trying new things, even if they’re scary at first, is the ONLY way to figure out who you really are! We need to get lost to find ourselves.” Rachel Brathen (alias Yoga Girl on Instagram)

I guess she is right, but then again, she has already found herself whereas I still feel lost. I think too much and I am selfish (or self-centered, or both). I am driving myself crazy.

And the worst part? It is all in my head.
All of it. I am my own worst enemy and it feels like I am losing the fight. Every day again.
I thought fear was my greatest enemy, but now I know that negativity is just as strong. Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar, or just depressed, or both. And then again I don’t want to know because I think it will only make things worse.
Also I have to remember that I am not the only person struggling.