A new beginning

There are many things you never imagine they will ever happen to you. Some of those things are small, like a robbery, car crash or winning the lottery. Others have more impact, like buying a house, or finding the seemingly perfect partner.
To be honest, I always believed in love but I never thought it could be better than I knew. I was so wrong, so completely wrong. And still it is an adjustment, the clichés that everything is easy when you find your perfect match are lies.
Life is not easy. Love is not easy. Relationships are never easy.
The only thing that changes, is how you think about certain characteristics.

My current relationship is the best example. It’s been more than a year after my break-up with the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. That dream fell apart in a thousand pieces once I realised that I was not happy, not with myself and not with the relationship. I did not want a new relationship, I was working on myself, I just started to realise so many different things about me, about my relationships with others in general, about everything. Life was becoming better, I started to have some good days where I could feel happy again.
And then I met him. At first I did not really pay attention to him, he was a temp at my workplace and I just came back from a business trip and needed his boss for something. During the next few days we started talking and pretty quick we realized that something was growing between us.
It scared the shit out of me once I realised that. There were so many things that would normally stop me from beginning anything serious with him. He smokes, he has a completely different cultural background, he is 12 years older than me, he has a quite unhealthy diet.. reasons enough.
But we could (and would) keep talking for hours, about everything, we have the same ideas about a lot of things, we like the same things and still have some differences. Which is good.

So I jumped, with my heart in my hands, into a relationship I didn’t know where it would lead to. By now I know that there are many reasons not to be with him, and I also know, there are so many more reasons to be with him.
I can be myself when I am with him, he loves me regardless of what I do, or say. We both have our ghosts but for once I don’t have to hide them but I can let them show. And he understands.

For once, I can just be.

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Busy Life

Hi guys!

I have a lot of things I want to blog about, but somehow I don’t have the energy, or the time. Summer is over, sadly, and I feel like I have had no summer at all except for 2 weeks of holiday. So, what have I been doing the past few months?
Firstly, I have finished everything of my first internship and that kept me busy until the end of July. I am so happy that that is finished now.

Secondly, I applied and qualified for another internship, at a different research facility. I wanted to start with that internship in November, but that did not work out. Also, some things changed and I got permission to do my thesis at the same facility where I am doing my second internship which resulted in an earlier start date. Last Monday, the 15th of September, was the start date and wow, I have gotten so much information basically thrown at me. If that keeps going on like that, I’ll be very, ver busy for the next few months. But I will be getting paid for it, which is nice. Though it is not much but hey, money is money so I can’t complain (especially because the majority of internships is unpaid in the Netherlands). And my supervisor is very chaotic, always busy but very nice ánd we have the same music taste so that is awesome!

Thirdly, I have started with an internet-based course on Pharmaceutical Bioinformatics offered by Uppsala University. It is not very time consuming but as I have to do it after a busy day at my internship or after work, it is quite challenging. For now it is doable, I just make stupid mistakes as I misread things because I am so tired. But at least I get moderate to good grades so I am happy with that. Luckily it are only two lectures a week and 1 assignment. But it will continue till the end of October so that is quite a while. Especially because I will have another course in October (2 days a week) and a big exam for my part-time job.

So, basically I have no free time. I’ll be flying and running in circles for the next few months. I do miss the writing, but I need to focus on keeping myself happy. I am focussing on a better skin-routine as my skin is still very troubled, and I am still focussing on a better sport-regime. My holiday consisted of hiking in Austria, and I really miss that. The amount of activity was very high and that felt so good! But now, I lack the time and challenging tracks. I try to keep up a small sport-regime for my arms (push-ups and dip-downs) and stomach (alias, getting that six-pack back, I know it’s there). But that is pretty much all my extra exercise. Oh and I try to drink more water, because I drink far too less.
So, that was my update for you 🙂

Love,
C

I will win the lottery

Yes I will. Maybe I should say I have won the lottery to tune my mind like The Secret. But untill now, I mainly dream about winning the lottery.

I already have a plan about what to do with the money.

I would buy a house like this.And then I would buy a horse. And I’d go shopping.
I’d buy a new set of clothes, basics mostly. A few Levi’s jeans, some hand-made leather shoes, some nice shirts and a lot of cashmere clothing. I absolutely adore cashmere clothing! Oh and I’d buy real satin sheets.

I also would go to a professional salon like Rob Peetoom to get a new hairdo. I might even colour it, and I would pamper myself at one of the luxurious spa’s in Amsterdam while staying at the Waldorf Astoria, or Hilton, or any of the other top-hotels.

After the spa-treatment, or the day after I would buy a few cosmetic things. Brushes and foundation from MAC. Eyeshadows from Bobbi Brown, skincare from La Mer or La Prarie. Or Shisheido, or everything 🙂 And I would buy a Mulberry bag. I love that brand but unfortunately it is a bit too pricy for me. Until I have won a few million euro’s of course.

I hope I did not buy that horse yet, because first I will travel around the world. I want to go to New York, cross-country through Canada. I want to go to Jamaica, Suriname, the Antilles, Chile,  Argentina. I want to travel through Kenia, South-Africa, Egypt and Jordan. I want to travel through India (though only highly secured..), Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia. And I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. And to all of Europe but that is close at home.
After that world trip I want to buy a horse, 2 dogs and 2 cats (or more, not sure yet) and want to enjoy my life in my perfect house together with the love of my life.

In short, I am going to win the lottery. I will. Because until now, all I have is the love of my life. It is a lot, but I want to pursue the rest as well and I am sure I will!

The Secret (3)

I told you before that I have read the book The Secret and that I wanted to apply some things from that book onto my life. I also told you about my plan to use that book to improve my life. That was three weeks ago, time for an update!

How is it going?
Well, to be honest, it is going very bad. I don’t watch the short motivation video as often as I wanted. And I do see the secret sentences I made on a daily basis but somehow I almost never read them. I try to think more positive, and to stop negative thoughts as soon as possible but it is hard.And I still haven’t won the lottery yet. Regarding the book that is probably because I don’t live like I did win it, but that is mainly because I don’t have time to shop. When I would win the lottery I would shop a lot but at the moment that is just not possible next to my study, work and social life.

I need to change things. I need to watch the video the 3 times a week as I want to do that. And I should read my sentences every single day. I try recalling them on my way to the university but I always miss a few because I don’t know them by heart, at least not yet.

In short, it is going not so good, but I will change that. Or at least I want to change that. I just need to make time for it. But I have to remember my secret sentences! One of them is “I can do anything I want”, time to start doing everything I want!

Love,
C

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind (5)

Hi guys! (and girls!)

This Tuesday it is time for the final ten questions of the 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. I will also tell you what I thought about the questions and whether they influenced my life or not. Here are my answers for the final questions!

  1. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    My best friend which lives on the other side of the country, and 2 in Belgium. And my boyfriend but I think he will come along with me. Happily enough, it is a very rare possibility to happen.
  2. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    No, I would not. I don’t want that. I am attractive enough, and who wants to be famous? Then you can’t go grocery shopping or just shopping without paparazzi. No way I would want that.
  3. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    Being alive is my current status. Just living through the day. Auto-pilot mode. Truly living means for me that you try to get the best of every day.
  4. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    When there is no good choice visible by calculating. Sometimes both options are equal and than it is time for your heart.
  5. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    Because mistakes hurt.
  6. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    I would wear more radiant lipsticks. I would probably talk more. And I think my live would be very different as certain things in my past would not have happened.
  7. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    When I had to sprint for the train. And than I sit down and try not to gasp to much.
  8. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    I love my boyfriend, healthy food, chocolate, make-up. Yes I do openly express this love on a regular basis.
  9. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
    I don’t think so. I don’t have memorable days these times. And I don’t want to remember every single day because than a special day is less special.
  10. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    Both. When I would do all my decisions on my own that would cause a lot of trouble.

This is it. The end. Some of the questions are more interesting than others. Overall I don’t have the idea that it really freed my mind but it was fun to do.
Feel free to answer the questions for yourself, you may post your answers here or on your own blog. Or just answer them privately.

Love,
C

The Secret (2)

Hi guys!

I told you before that I have read the book The Secret and that I wanted to apply some things from that book onto my life.
That was a month ago. And while I watched the video quite regularly (though I don’t think I really watched it as much as I wanted) I did not follow up with my plan. I did made a how-to in my mind. I bought a frame, I organized a big sheet of paper but I did not finish it. I somehow avoided it and I don’t really know why.

This week I finally did what I planned to do for so long. I made a list with positive sentences I need to tell myself every single day.
And I will share them with you:

  • I am beautiful!
  • I am RICH
  • I am Happy and Content
  • I feel GOOD!
  • I deserve all good things life has to offer
  • I will get whatever I want
  • I can do anything I want
  • I attract good things in life
  • I am grateful for everything in life

That were nine sentences I need to tell myself and I need to believe in them. I have written them in all the colours of the rainbow on a blank sheet of paper and framed them. I have placed the frame on my desk so I will see it every time I am working on my laptop, which is almost every day. I can do this!

Let’s rock life!

Love,
C

10 things that make me feel good!

Hi guys!

At the moment I am not super happy. And with the Happy Challenge fresh in my mind I decided to make a list of things that make me happy. And I also decided to share that list with you because you might also become happier from some things.

Here we go!

  • Sun! I think I have mentioned it before, but I am happy when the sun shines. And even happier when I am able to be outside for a few minutes when the sun shines.
  • Chocolate! Okay, to be honest, I am a stress eater. Make me uncomfortable and I will start eating anything. But I prefer chocolate. Though I know it is bad for me and it does not help with my plan to eat less sugar but sometimes I just need it.
  • Music! Music can make me happy, but sometimes it makes me sad. It somehow enhances my mood.
  • Nature! I love beautiful nature, in autumn it are the coloured leaves, in spring the blossom, in summer the bright sunshine which makes everything look good. And in winter.. I love the frost on the edge of leaves and small branches.
  • Horses! They can always make me happy. Lovely creatures, and I really miss them in my life at this moment.
  • Make-up! How materialistic.. But really, I don’t have a really big stash but is quite elaborate. I love to buy new shades, new lipsticks. I really have developed a thing for lipsticks! And for purple mascara’s. And eyeshadow palettes. Okay, I just love make-up!
  • Blogs! They don’t really make me happy, but I really enjoy to read them in the morning and afternoon/evening. It is my moment of relaxation which I have almost every single day. It is really important to take time for yourself!
  • Quality-time with the boyfriend! And then I mean real quality time like going out together. Not the just sitting at home doing nothing kind of thing.
  • Traveling! Seeing new places, being in a different environment! It is quite funny, in the Netherlands I somehow feel more unsafe than in a ‘bad’ neighbourhood in a foreign country. Not very logical but it doesn’t matter anyway.
  • Snow! I can become happy from snow, but only when I don’t need to go anywhere. Snow is fantastic, really, but it also flat lines all transport. Public transport and car traffic both get madness when it snows even just a little bit. Therefore, as long as I don’t need to get anywhere, it is great!

This were 10 things I can become happy from. It actually was harder than expected probably due to my not so happy state of mind at the moment. But I made it! And I am proud that I managed to make this list.

Where do you get happy from?

Love,
C