There are many things you never imagine they will ever happen to you. Some of those things are small, like a robbery, car crash or winning the lottery. Others have more impact, like buying a house, or finding the seemingly perfect partner.
To be honest, I always believed in love but I never thought it could be better than I knew. I was so wrong, so completely wrong. And still it is an adjustment, the clichés that everything is easy when you find your perfect match are lies.
Life is not easy. Love is not easy. Relationships are never easy.
The only thing that changes, is how you think about certain characteristics.
My current relationship is the best example. It’s been more than a year after my break-up with the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. That dream fell apart in a thousand pieces once I realised that I was not happy, not with myself and not with the relationship. I did not want a new relationship, I was working on myself, I just started to realise so many different things about me, about my relationships with others in general, about everything. Life was becoming better, I started to have some good days where I could feel happy again.
And then I met him. At first I did not really pay attention to him, he was a temp at my workplace and I just came back from a business trip and needed his boss for something. During the next few days we started talking and pretty quick we realized that something was growing between us.
It scared the shit out of me once I realised that. There were so many things that would normally stop me from beginning anything serious with him. He smokes, he has a completely different cultural background, he is 12 years older than me, he has a quite unhealthy diet.. reasons enough.
But we could (and would) keep talking for hours, about everything, we have the same ideas about a lot of things, we like the same things and still have some differences. Which is good.
So I jumped, with my heart in my hands, into a relationship I didn’t know where it would lead to. By now I know that there are many reasons not to be with him, and I also know, there are so many more reasons to be with him.
I can be myself when I am with him, he loves me regardless of what I do, or say. We both have our ghosts but for once I don’t have to hide them but I can let them show. And he understands.
For once, I can just be.